Random Fun

My students can be a little corky sometimes. I’m not quite positive if it’s from the gap in the language or whether they just watch too much American TV.

First, let me tell you about “Fred.” This guy is funny as hell. He is an older smelly businessman that has no family or kids. His life involves going to working, eating, and watching Hollywood movies. But even spending over 3 hours a day watching videos in English he has very low communication skills. Another interesting fact about this fellow is that he has the most warped vocabulary you can imagine. Let me explain, he doesn’t understand simple words, or the words that we have on our 6th grade spelling tests but he understands some upper-level words and expressions that I find hilarious. For example he and I were talking about our biggest fears in life, and I said something easy like “death” or “getting lost on the train.” And he said that his biggest fear was, and I’m not joking and I’m not sure where he learned it, FEMINISTS! I couldn't help myself I wanted to laugh so hard, I even felt my pipes below starting to burst. Just picture this, it took me 5 minutes to explain what getting lost on the train meant but he comes back with feminists. What is up with that? I just sat there biting my lip trying not to laugh in his face. Another time he was telling me about something funny that happened at work, and then I asked him “how did you respond when you say that monkey in your lab throw poop at your coworker?” He said “what do you think, of course, I giggled like a little school girl.” What is this nonsense? He can’t even spell coffee correctly but he knows the expression “to giggle like a school girl.” Wow, sometimes I love this job.

Another fellow, “Bob,” (actually he is in the small class as Fred) and I were talking about him moving to America. I asked his what his biggest fear of moving to America was and he responded with “drunk-white-men.” (I didn’t know we were so intimidating to the Japanese.) I find it interesting that he didn’t say speaking English or finding food or driving on 10 lane highways or even homesickness. The fact that he said ‘drunk-white-men’ makes me wonder what has happened in his past to warrant such feelings.

A month before New Years I made and handed out a student survey and assessment form so that my students could express any opinions or concerns that they might have. I asked my older students what their occupation was and 90 percent of them put company staff, company employee, or office worker. Is that strange? If I asked someone in America the same question I think I would get a more detailed answer; like an electrical engineer, accountant, or an actual occupation not just some vague title. Another question I asked was “what are some of your future goals or ambitions?” and one student wrote, “I don't understand my future.” I’m sure he meant to say that he doesn’t know what his future holds or something to that effect. But, when I read this I giggle like a little schoolgirl. Another student wrote “To speak English without thinking I am Japanese.” I’m not exactly sure what that means but I think he or she really wants to speak fluently.

And my last incident will be about what a student chose for his item in the game ’20 Questions’. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this game, basically one person chooses something; it can be anything that one can imagine, and the rest of the group has 20 questions to find out what this item is. Well this student, let’s call him “Retard,” chose a Toyota engine. Let me tell you about Retard really quickly. He requested to be placed in our highest class, which is basically fluent, and he can’t form a sentence without it being totally fucked up. Can you tell that this guy annoys me? Good thing he can’t read this. Well anyways, it was his turn and he chose a Toyota engine. I asked him if it was living and he said yes. Another student asked if we can eat it, Retard said yes. It continued on like this all the way until the last question. I told him that we give up and he needs to tell us the answer, and you wouldn’t believe how upset the other students got, I swear if I weren’t there they would have lynched him. You don't fuck with older Japanese businessmen or they will come after you. Basically, we were all played for fools. Retard needs to move to another class.

When you want to get a mental picture of Retard in your head just imagine him as one of these nice young men.

My New Year's Night

Spending New Years in Japan is completely different then the typical New Years in America, well at least from what I have experienced in my own past. In Japan, it (and it being New Years/Japanese people/Japanese culture) requires you to stay up for a grueling two days of drinking, dancing, a little more drinking, karaoke (which of course involves drinking), going to the closest shine and waiting 90 minutes in a line of stink, puck and $2-perfume all to throw 5 yen (maybe 4 cents) into a box and pray for good luck, and then finally after that is done you have you wait outside in the freezing weather to see the first sunrise of the new year. It sounds like fun if you spread it over a week or even a couple of days but all in one night, it's a killer.

Now knowing the summary of the night let me give you some of the highlights.

• Japanese clubs are insanely expensive: I paid 40 bucks to get in
You would think that I would have had a better opportunity cost with that $40
• I lost my voice singing karaoke
• No New Year’s KISS
• One of my friends made up with his GF after they had been fighting for a while
• Some toothless-bald samurai tried to rape me
• While waiting in line for the shine a 40-year-old man gropped my butt
Now that I think about it what is about me that attracts old Japanese molesters?
• My ears nearly fell off waiting for the sun to come up
• I had to wait 20 min on the train before I could sit down
• I over slept and missed my station by about 30 min (opps)

In conclusion, I had a lot of fun and I have some great memories of my ’07-’08 New Year’s night. What was even better was the 16 hours that I slept after I returned to my apartment.

This is me losing my voice. GO KARAOKE!!!

My Christmas Story

I would first like to apologize for my extended absence. Honestly, I haven’t been busy; I’m just really lazy.

So, lets pick up from the week before Christmas. My friend Chad from home came to Japan for a week or so. But I had work the majority of the time I was only fortunate enough to see him for two days. I took him to the traditional tourists spots and let him take lots of pictures. (It’s amazing how much we become like Japanese tourists. Taking every picture we can and trying not to forget a moment.) We went out to dinner with my friend Midori and ate all-you-can-eat yakiniku. Which is like Japanese BBQ. It was amazing. I thought I was going to die because I ate so much food. And on top of all the food the beer they gave me was in a liter mug. Being like the girl I am I wasn’t able to finish it so I had to share it with Midori.

That girl Midori is something else. Think of the traditional Japanese girl, being polite, nice and considerate. Now think of the complete opposite--- loud, crazy, and borderline rude sometimes, and that's Midori. During dinner the table next to us was eating something different then us and she demanded that they let Chad try what they were eating. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, after we were finished eating, she told the boys next to us that they should introduce Chad to Japanese karaoke. At that moment I put head down and my tail between my legs, but they said okay and recommended their favorite karaoke spot. So the six of us all went and had a karaoke filled night.

Now its time for me to tell you about my Christmas story, well it’s not much of Christmas story actually. First you have to understand that they majority of people in Japan have NO IDEA what Christmas is about. Most of my students thought that it was a holiday invented by big business to make more money. And Christmas isn’t a national holiday in Japan. I had to work like any other day. But the day before Christmas was a Monday if I remember correctly, and that day was a national holiday. You would believe what they call it, HAPPY MONDAY. That's it. There is no reason for the holiday and it has no relation to Christmas. Even the idea of Christmas is lost in Japan. There is no spreading of love or of good deeds, and no anticipation of opening your presents on Christmas morning. The younger generations have turned it into a DATE holiday. It’s not uncommon for all the love hotels to be free on Christmas Eve. When I think of Christmas in Japan I think of chicken (KFC), Christmas cake, and love hotels. Sad.

To go on with my story, because I was in Japan for Christmas I though ‘while in Rome.’ So I found one of my cute-boyfriendless-friends to go on a date with. We went to the most popular “date spot” in Tokyo, it’s called Odaiba. This place was hoppin’, they have live bands, street performers, Ferris wheel, and a view that over looked the harbor. It was actually a great place for a date, except that it was winter and the wind was howling.
For our activities for the day we walked around, ate some lunch, watched a movie (which was in Japanese and when I entered the theater everyone stared at me like I wasn’t aware I was going to watch a Japanese movie with no subtitles). They movie was great, I highly recommend it, and you will probably shed a tear or two. It’s called Always. If you are bored on a Sunday afternoon go to blockbuster and check it out. After the movie we went to eat dinner but there was about a 2-hour wait for all the restaurants so we decided to go to a different city and find a place there. We found a nice cozy place, ate, talked, finished, and then parted ways. I wanted to hangout longer but I live in Butt-Fuck-Egypt so my last train is a little early. And that concludes my Christmas story.